I’ve come across this piece several times and it always makes me laugh. I thought I’d share it in the hopes that it makes you smile too!
My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd, three years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else’s thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal! Who would have done such a cruel thing? I spent the entire summer looking for them. I searched, in vain, at pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed. I became obsessed. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.
Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again! My rear end was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than the original) to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Now my rear complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
It was 2 years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while fixing my hair, I watched horrified but fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.
This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, one section at a time. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age was supposed to creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something like maturity. Then my poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now reminded me of.
This is NOT a hoax! This is happening to women in every town every night.
Warn all your friends!!!!!
PS…. Last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone. As I sprang from my bed, I was relieved to see that they were just hiding in my pajama bottoms. I now keep them tucked in my waistband.