Yesterday was not a good day. I had myself a sublime pity party because we are on lockdown for the holidays. I stayed in my dressing gown for hours, moaning about the fact that Christmas without family was the saddest thing ever. Sorrow bubbled up and leaked from my eyes in the form of tears. They rolled liberally down my cheeks because I won’t see my kids over the holidays. Then, not to be outdone, guilt kicked in.
Let’s be honest. We all know someone who will break the rules and have loved ones around their table. But no matter how much I want to, I just can’t do it. I don’t want to be the one whose family member ends up sick, possibly even fighting for their life, because I wanted a traditional Christmas. I don’t want to be the one who gives frontline workers one more person to care for – because I wanted a traditional Christmas. (They don’t even have a day off, never mind dinner with family.) And honestly? I don’t want to be the one who gets the dreaded virus just because I wanted a traditional Christmas. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel sick with guilt that we won’t be together because I’m a rule follower.
But today, all was right with the world again. Christmas won’t be traditional, but so what? We’ll take a walk with our family (outdoor activities are allowed) or raise a glass on Zoom (I know, we are all so over Zoom, but it’s been our lifeline to others for months. What’s one more day?) And, if the stars all align the way we are all hoping they will, Christmas 2021 is going to be one heck of a celebration.
Happy Holidays!
(Written for “Word of the Day Challenge” for December 20th: Sublime)
Inked In 
Yes, you’re having a pity party. But the point is you’re not going to end up having it catered by frontline workers because you weakened. Good for you.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Wishing you a nice Christmas despite the deprivations.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think we are all feeling the loss. We will be alone, too.
LikeLike
The holidays will definitely be different for most of us. I’m trying to make the best of it and count my blessings instead of my losses. Wishing you Happy Holidays and wonderful New Year!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. The same to you and your family.
LikeLike
I have no tree this year. I had no Thanksgiving with my loved ones and I will have no Christmas with them either. It is easy to feel sorry for ourselves, but that often just makes us feel worse. I hope there will be a wonderful celebration in 2021.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you describe feelings that many of us share.
LikeLike